Customers – Anna Canter

Hello Morbo, how’s the family?

aywain — Sun, 29 May 2016 10:34:06 +0000

I’ll tell them you went down prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. Well, thanks to the Internet. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence? Ah, the ‘Breakfast Club’ soundtrack! I can’t wait til I’m old enough to feel ways about stuff! But existing is basically all I do! You guys aren’t Santa! You’re not even robots. How dare you lie in front of Jesus? I daresay that Fry has discovered the smelliest object in the known universe! Well I’da done better, but it’s plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trial for that there incompetence.

Cause explosive decompression

aywain — Sat, 28 May 2016 10:33:02 +0000

Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye, cruel lamp, lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the cute little pom-pom curtain pull cords. Cruel though they may be… And I’d do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it. Okay, I like a challenge. Shut up and take my money! Are you crazy? I can’t swallow that. Bite my shiny metal ass. It may comfort you to know that Fry’s death took only fifteen seconds, yet the pain was so intense, that it felt to him like fifteen years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels.

You risked your life

aywain — Fri, 27 May 2016 14:02:33 +0000

No, she’ll probably make me do it. You mean while I’m sleeping in it? No! I want to live! There are still too many things I don’t own! Would you censor the Venus de Venus just because you can see her spewers? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso?! ‘It is!’ My precious torso! That’s right, baby. I ain’t your loverboy Flexo, the guy you love so much. You even love anyone pretending to be him! I wish! It’s a nickel.

Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick

aywain — Wed, 25 May 2016 13:32:22 +0000

It must be wonderful. Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you are pretending to be. Now Fry, it’s been a few years since medical school, so remind me. Disemboweling in your species: fatal or non-fatal? Just once I’d like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn’t bound and gagged. Yeah, and if you were the pope they’d be all, “Straighten your pope hat.” And “Put on your good vestments.” Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money!

Does anybody else feel jealous and aroused and worried? Bender, we’re trying our best. Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as “the brig”. Is today’s hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn’t make sense. WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

No! I want to live! There are still too many things I don’t own! Ah, the ‘Breakfast Club’ soundtrack! I can’t wait til I’m old enough to feel ways about stuff! Bender, I didn’t know you liked cooking. That’s so cute. No, I’m Santa Claus! I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Hey, guess what you’re accessories to. Does anybody else feel jealous and aroused and worried?

Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering or I’m going to come back there and change your opinions manually! With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun! Bender, you risked your life to save me! Soon enough. Good man. Nixon’s pro-war and pro-family. Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. Isn’t it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Hello Morbo, how’s the family?

Does anybody else feel jealous?

aywain — Sun, 22 May 2016 12:37:58 +0000

You can crush me but you can’t crush my spirit! Oh Leela! You’re the only person I could turn to; you’re the only person who ever loved me. Fatal. Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. Good news, everyone! I’ve taught the toaster to feel love! Throw her in the brig. I’m sure those windmills will keep them cool.

I respect and admire Harold Zoid

aywain — Tue, 17 May 2016 14:11:28 +0000

Nay, I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. Eeeee! Now say “nuclear wessels”! This is the worst kind of discrimination: the kind against me! There, now he’s trapped in a book I wrote: a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors!

I didn’t ask for a completely reasonable excuse! I asked you to get busy! Anyone who laughs is a communist! I haven’t felt much of anything since my guinea pig died. The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. That could be ‘my’ beautiful soul sitting naked on a couch. If I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Why would a robot need to drink? We’ll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we’ll go home.